The World According To Elliot

Sunday 2nd June 2013 – six a side day

I’m a Spotify user and, somewhat appropriately, as I turned it on this morning it flicked to 7 Days in the Sun, by Feeder. It’s the morning of the six-a-side and it looks to be a good one, particularly coming off a win yesterday (in the Sun) for the firsts and a decent Muse concert last night. Unfortunately, I didn’t manage to catch up with the lads who went to Manchester, so I’m looking forward to hearing a few stories today – although NONE from Eddie Ford I’m sure.

There are bits of serious news this week, the first among which is that the U17s have drawn Hayfield in the Cup on Thursday, and yet again we’re away. We are actually yet to play a home game, but someone (probably) once said that if anything is worth having, it’s worth playing away from home for. Read that as you will. We have a strong team again, so I’m fairly confident.

The second piece of news is that it has been decided that I run like a dinosaur, which is probably a fair comment. So far, nicknames include ‘Rex’ and ‘The Raptor’, both of which I quite like – far more manly and aggressive than Crompton’s ‘Elly-baby’ which, frankly, frightens me – despite the fact that I’m sure Darren has no ulterior intentions towards me…or any other man whilst we’re on that topic. On the Dinosaur topic, I’d like to thank Dec Ryan for a tremendous video which can be seen here, entitled ‘How Animals Eat Their Food’.

I also apologise to anyone who had a copy of the High Peak Review delivered – no one wants to see a picture of me in the morning. For those of you who haven’t seen a copy, I’m climbing Kilimanjaro for CLIC Sargent in February 2014, they’re a children’s cancer charity, so it’s fitting that I’m a junior co-ordinator; possibly the ‘most politically incorrect’ Junior Co-ordinator the club has had for a while, according to the Second Team Captain, but a junior co-ordinator nonetheless, and I thought it was very kind of him to say so.

Continuing that theme, and a running theme throughout these articles, we were treated to Luke’s sister yesterday during the first team game – I’m yet to taste any of her cakes (Darren…no), but if they’re anything like Meg’s then she should be made welcome as often as possible. I close where we began, with Spotify, which today seems to be in fabulous form as it’s just put on Puddle of Mudd. PoM are famous for two tracks really, one of which is Blurry (which bodes well for the Six a Side), and the other, which has just come on, and probably sums up how a lot of sisters feel about me. If you don’t know it, Google it – this is, after all, a respectable website.

If you would like more info in Kilimanjaro, you can see it here:

The U17s are without a game this week, but I felt the force of habit upon me – and for that I apologise. That said however, there is a serious message to be delivered, and that is that, contrary to the handbook provided by WBCC, we do not have a game this coming Monday. Our next league game is in fact Thursday 30th May away at Buxton. Now, as this is (I’m told) during half term, I’m hoping for a strong team…but then of course I appreciate that some people will be on holiday, and some birds also go on holiday (this is migration, for those currently studying Biology GCSE)….the ornithologists amongst us will surely be sorely missed…

Anyway, with the U17s not playing, I had ample opportunity to go and do a bit of scouting when the U15s played away (again, Darren, not like that) at Chapel. Ivan Heathcote was just finishing a hard hitting innings when I arrived, and from what I saw, Whaley won fairly comprehensively. It was also nice to see Eddie Ford there – partly because it’s nice to see senior players taking an interest in the juniors, but mainly because it meant he was still alive. I know Eddie will think I’m taking a chunk out of him here, so I would actually like to debunk that and say I honestly admire the amount of passion he has for the game, however he chooses to show it. It’s actually a weird full-circle that he was my U17s captain when I was 15. Anyway, enough sentimentality.

Not only was the U15s’ game an opportunity for me to see some (read: most) of my squad playing in a different setting, it was also an opportunity to experience a master-class in sideline management from one Ben Williams. Without ever standing, Ben had moved Ollie Madden to the boundary, and had Ethan take 5 steps to the right – the adage ‘they need 6 an over, we should have people out deep’ is one I will certainly be adopting in the future, and was very effective.

To finish, with the final paragraph, I’d like to return to the first – a la Animal Farm, or of Mice and Men (I include these as they were staples of the GCSE exam curriculum when I was in Year 11, and are cyclical in nature) – and the subject of birds. Whilst I was learning the art of sideline management, I was ably distracted by Mrs Glover, who not supplied ginger bread men, but a morsel of gossip. Apparently, Mr Glover has informed his daughter that I drink too much, and am not to be allowed down the drive…this was news out of the blue to me (the fact that they had a drive, not the rampant alcoholism). I’ve only ever had a rather rushed conversation with Tamsyn, and am not entirely sure whether it’s a ‘y’ or an ‘I’, so I take Mr Glover’s early shut down as somewhat of a compliment – perhaps he’s seen me dancing in Macc…the ‘tiger in the grass’ is a dance move much maligned, but he looks like a man who can see that a man who can dance like an African feline is a man with ambition; I await further correspondence on the issue with the utmost interest.

In passing, (and here I speak directly to my U17s team), that’s 4 from 4 without even the mention of a nun, or a song by Train. I think I might be able to pull it off – particularly if this avenue is a long one…the plot thickens…but it’s not yet as thick as the layer of mayonnaise on Tommo’s butties.