The Trip

The Trip (Day One)

Sholesy thought it was Heyesy, but Heysey guessed at Gilly. Eamonn Holmes knew it was Badly Drawn Boy, but incorrectly assumed the venue to be Amsterdam. Pat Crerand was yearning for a Berlin rematch and Anneka Rice walked around with a knowing smirk.


Breakfast was taken at the White Hart, but the last port of call was the bus stop outside the Crown in Great Moor. The cake was proverbially iced, but the locals were more concerned with the apparent invasion of Stockport by the Borussia Dortmund Supporters Club.

The twenty man squad enjoyed a questionable amount of sporting talent, but a huge reputation for anarchic stupidity.

Anneka Rice

Pat Crerand

Badly Drawn Boy

Chris Cowdrey

Graham Cowdrey

Colin Dredge

Rodney Marsh

Wes Brown

Jan Molby

Bilbo Baggins

Colin Cowdrey

Mr Magoo

Neil Mellor

Marcus Trescothick

Chris Gayle

Bruce Willis

Zero Mostel

Tony Martin

Angus Loughran

Eamonn Holmes

Neil Mellor was never as talented as his City supporting dad, but controversy was always a constant companion. Eamonn Holmes was merely a chubby Manchester United supporter. Indeed everywhere you looked there was more than a passing resemblance to Whaley Bridge.

We arrived in Hamburg relatively unscathed and caught the cheap train to the main railway station. Badly Drawn Boy was a veteran, but not for the first time, the opinionated Rodney Marsh was claiming all the credit.

Mellor was given the task of protecting the luggage and predictably one of them went walkabouts within two hours. Meanwhile a Chinese tourist was donating to Crerand’s holiday fund by leaving a selection of euro notes at the Station Cash Machine.

Onwards and upwards to Grobe Freihler and the site of the famous Beatles concert in 1961 and more importantly the location for a pound a pint on the opposite side of the street. Indeed Mr Magoo was so delighted he launched into buying a round for literally every man and his German Dachshund.

Tony Martin ventured East with Colin Dredge, Chris Gayle and the Cowdrey family. Food was on the agenda, but Badly Drawn Boy had an alternative suggestion involving a Magical Mystery Tour.

Sadly the Tour resembled the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan. The casualties were huge and at one point Badly Drawn Boy was the only man standing.

Further up the street, Eamonn was enduring the Theatre route alongside Anneka, Jan Molby, Angus Loughran, Zero Mostel and Bruce Willis. Something wasn’t quite right, but nobody knew why. Eventually the penny dropped that Eamonn had taken them on a wild goose chase.

Bilbo Baggins was causing quite a stir and Marcus Trescothick was feeling homesick, especially after missing the recent cup defeat to Tintwistle.

Wes Brown was finding everything hilarious:

“The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire”

We found an Irishman with a guitar, but he wouldn’t do requests. A certain Heaven 17 song would have been entirely appropriate.

The hills were alive to the sound of stupidity.